I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
