how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
