I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
