the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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