youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
