i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
