I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
