and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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