yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
