I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
