Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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