i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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