I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize