sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
