I wish I could punch you in the face.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
