it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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