It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
