I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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