if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
