You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
