my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
