she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
