Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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