no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
