OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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