My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
