what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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