How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
