I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize