There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
