need another drink. this is the easiest way
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
