Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
