don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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