Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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