Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my shit smells like andre
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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