I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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