So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
