yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
