her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
