Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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