oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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