Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
