Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
