Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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