after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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