How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
