This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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