I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
