Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
