My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
