Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
