Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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