I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
