3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Houston, we have a squirter
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
