he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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