it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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