my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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