So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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