This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
