it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I touched a dick in church today
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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