It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize