happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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