The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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