Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize