I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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