Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
