she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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