so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
