So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
