Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
