Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
