You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
