susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
