It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
