You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
