i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
