Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
