Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
