know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize