He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
