Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
